Do you ever feel anxious about your relationship? Are feelings of self-doubt, fierce self-criticisms, or fears of failure plaguing your sense of a secure partnership? Chances are, your personal insecurities are at the root of these anxieties.
Do you ever feel anxious about your relationship? Are feelings of self-doubt, fierce self-criticisms, or fears of failure plaguing your sense of a secure partnership? Chances are, your personal insecurities are at the root of these anxieties.
Doubts and extreme worries in intimate relationships often stem from past experiences, careless words or actions, and even environmental situations beyond your control. In some way, we all suffer from insecurity. But moving towards confidence and security in love is a journey worth taking.
Confronting your underlying anxieties and embracing your self-worth is an excellent way to begin. Acknowledging that you need to make a change will move you down the path towards the safe haven you seek in your most vulnerable and beautiful relationship. If left unchecked, however, what began as little worries in the back of your mind, could grow up into larger, more complicated emotions like jealousy and anger. Yet, your relationship can be filled with joy instead of fear and worry.
Here are a few tactical plays to help you start achieving those relationship goals by kicking insecurities to the sidelines.
Create a habit of positive self-talk
Make a goal to replace negative self-talk with positive self-talk. It’s so important to teach yourself that you can find validation from your own soul instead of needing it from outside sources.
Build yourself a reserve of self-love by actively loving yourself. Put in the work to tell yourself that you are valuable. Build yourself up instead of bullying yourself. It may take some time and practice, but you can learn to let go of the negative self-talk and replace it with the truth–you are worthy of love, and you are worth loving!
By speaking affirmative language about yourself as a habit, you’ll feel more confident in your relationship and be less prone to anxiety and jealousy. Your self-worth will no longer be dependent upon what someone else thinks of you. Instead, you will learn to value who you are and let your inner confidence shine.
Invest in yourself and your hobbies
Reflect on what you enjoy. What hobby makes you want to jump out of bed? What things are you really good at or what piques your curiosity? Once you identify that thing, make time for it! Your hobbies, interests, and talents are gifts! They’re part of what makes you unique. Embrace and share those gifts. When insecurities creep in, fight back by reminding yourself of your capabilities. Let your partner join you in your hobbies. Feelings of insecurity are wiped out when you invest in yourself and take time to celebrate your strengths.
Talk about it
In a healthy relationship, your partner is your teammate, not your opponent. Let your partner know about your insecurities. He or she can help you navigate through the maze of doubt and help you see your worth! Your partner can help reframe your focus and help you concentrate on your positive values.
When you talk about your insecurities, make sure you don’t blame them on your partner. Instead, try something like this: “I’m struggling with some insecurities. I’ve had (insert an experience or source of insecurity for you here) in the past, and now I have a hard time believing in my own worth.”
Let this discussion open a path forward. Again, changes won’t happen overnight. But you might be surprised at how much lighter your struggles will feel after you get them out in the open with an honest discussion.
Stop comparing
Don’t compare yourself to anyone–not to your friends, your enemies, your partner’s ex, or your neighbor. Recognize that because all people are different, all relationships are also different. Bravely embrace those differences instead of letting the inevitability of their presence fuel your insecurities. Do not measure your worst against someone else’s best. Focus on what makes your relationship healthy and don’t worry about what someone else is doing in theirs. Comparison is a never-ending circle that taints your optimism and makes you unhappy. Put an end to it and stop feeding your insecurities.
Remember, tackling your insecurities might take time, but be patient with yourself. Keep in mind that some emotional and deeply fettered security issues may require professional help, and that’s okay. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist if you feel your insecurities are too much to tackle on your own. By striving to adopt positive self-talk and creating healthy communication habits, you can overcome your insecurities and have the happy, confident, secure relationship you seek.
